As I sit here reading this morning I am so convicted. I regularly tell people how the following verse is not true for me: Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.
Matthew 11:28-30 (NIV84). Not that I don't BELIEVE it's truth, but walking it out day to day is not easy.
I envision walking this out by being more like my husband. He just lets the worries of most things roll off his back. Bills don't stress him out. How this or that is going to work out doesn't ruffle him. Trying to get all of something accomplished before a deadline, no problem for him, he just does it. There is not much he worries over.
My husband's way is not my way. I was not designed like him. I worry and fret about a lot. I pray and then I worry. I recognize my sin in the worry, but I still fall back into it time and again. I cry out for God to help me. I pray and confess my belief and ask for help with my unbelief.
Over the years, I have come to realize my shortcomings that cause me to continually go back to God, have two purposes. I can not do life on my own. I worry, because I can't control the outcome. This prideful woman is reminded I need to rely on God. In that time of relying on God, He teaches and disciplines me, so that I continually learn where to find security and peace. He prunes me (John 15:5).
Without the continual pruning, which requires continually seeking out the Lord, I will always find the idea of rest for my sole, an easy burden and light yoke to be something which is unattainable. Lord, help me to continually abide in You.
Saturday, September 28, 2013
Sunday, February 26, 2012
Nicaragua 2012
Day 1 (Friday):
Our first day (not including our evening arrival) was primarily getting everything sorted and ready for the children. We have shoes, toiletries of all sorts, clothings etc. Afterwards, we head to the beach and have fish at a well known restaurant...At least known by those in Project Educate. The fish is fine, not the best or worst, but pretty good. However, the beach was magnificent.
Day 2 (Saturday):
This day was a lot of hard work but it was a great day. It began with the food for the families being delivered before 9am. There were five+ 100lb bags of beans delivered along with sugar, soup mix, rice, oil, ketchup, soap, dish detergent, sugar & more for each family. The beans have to be sorted into smaller plastic 5lb bags for each family. We stuff everything into bags for each family except the soaps which are in separate bags. We finished in plenty of time to get ready for the Women's Conference at Rose De Saron Church.
The Women's Conference is so cool. It's hard to explain how we can go and speak to a bunch of women who speak a different language and feel so blessed. As I prayed for these women, I prayed that God would supernaturally overcome the language barrier between us. Although it seems our two speakers were attacked; Lori Elder literally since she was hit by a bicycle cart, it was still beautiful to see how blessed the women seemed and truly how blessed we were after the conference.
Afterwards, a night out on the town, even doing a conference, is not complete without Eskimo! Some came home and hit the pool, some the patio and some of us hit our rooms. A tiring but wonderful evening.
Day 3: (Sunday)
We attended Sunday service at Rose De Saron. Our ladies spoke again and Trina had a specific word for the young worship leader. It was so amazing to hear what possibilities are in store for him. Afterwards we went to Los Tios. They call it an orphanage, but truly it is more like a daycare for older children while the parents are working. David Robinson, Trina Jackson and Carolyn McKee shared their vision, desire, thoughts and dreams about Project Educate. It was great to hear them speak and the time was made sweeter when some of the kids showed up as well as Luz and Rosa!
Day 4:(Monday, Day 1 with the children)
Monday was a fabulous first day. More translators showed up and we love our translators. I was able to meet Yarista, a young lady some friends are sponsoring. There were several of the children we know in this group. They were so well behaved and sooooo adorable. It was sweet to see the one young man with crutches being the big brother he was to his little brother. We told him how wonderful his handwriting was as well...explaining that boys in the US do not always have such nice handwriting. I met another young man who spoke quite a bit of English. He is working on becoming a translator. The kids love Hannah and Morgan. They are always their favorites. It's so sweet to see these young ladies with the children!
For those who do not know, I'm attempting to work on my Espanol. It was kind of funny when I told the children they were going to have poop after lunch instead of cake!! Cake in Nicaragua is usually not quite the same as in the US. In the US, our mixes are much sweeter, thus we are sure to bring plenty to share each year!
Of course, we ended the day on the town with 3 of the 4 boys. We had a fabulous time with the guys, Lori, Hannah, Jessica and myself. Eskimo (ice cream) and shopping around town was so much fun. Hannah and I, especially Hannah, were getting us some great Spanish lessons from the guys!
Day 5: (Tuesday)
This was a day with more Los Tios children or should I say young men and women. This day had more teens than most days. It included some of the young men that are part of the families which have worked for David and Marsha. It was great to see all of them. The day was filled with lots of fun. At one point the older teens were jumping rope and the smaller children were simply watching. It was sweet when they included them in their games.
This was the day we played the egg toss game. The game was great, but the joke on Morgan was just amazing. She went to Elias to ask if we could have three eggs. She said we'd get him three more to replace them. He explained that was not an option but that we'd need to pay for them. She agreed and asked the cost. He said $5. $5 for three eggs seemed a little much but she agreed she'd pay $5 for three eggs. He then corrects her and tells her it is $5 per egg. She is flabbergasted. After saying, "really?" she said she'd have to ask. As she goes upstairs to tell the "cheif" the price, Elias comes upstairs laughing and letting her know it was just a joke. Morgan didn't find it nearly as funny as the rest of us have!
The children's day ended with Mauricio telling everyone his testimony. This young man is inspiring and God has done and will continue to do great things with him. With the help of Haven of Rest and many others, he will now be able to obtain his license as a pharmacist!
Another day out on the town after the children left and of course more Eskimo!
Day 6: (Wednesday: El Liminol)
The children from El L. came today. Interesting thoughts: these children are the poorest of the bunch; some of these poorest children brought gifts for their sponsors; almost all of them had on uniforms; these children were probably the least behaved...until the teacher said they'd lose points in school if they weren't quiet during lunch; they were healthier this year; there were still some that had lice; Keiren kept telling everyone that my friends were his sponsors; Raquel realized she wasn't deaf after the Carolyn cleared the hardened wax from her ears; the pastors son was rotten :P and a very whiny day until Lori Amos allowed me to give him a small teddy bear. His face lit up like a Christmas tree. Yearling, a 7 year old girl with brittle bone disease who couldn't walk, allowed us to carry her around all day. It was time for the kids to leave and I put Yearling on the bus with her food. That's always a hard time anyway but it was then that I saw the young lady who broke my heart last year; somehow I just know this child has been sexually abused. I'm not sure if she has told David & Marsha, but I just know...
As I was crying, my heart was lifted briefly as I heard some children saying my name in their Nicaraguan accents. The bus began to drive away through the back gate and the children waved and yelled while leaving. As we realized the bus was coming around the front of the property, we ran to the gate to wave at the children one last time.
Afterwards, two ladies went to another poor community to give backpacks to the children of another school. Some of us stayed and relaxed in the pool. Later, we went to town again after dinner.
Day 7(Thursday)
This was a day... The children arrived in several stages. The young lady we're sponsoring showed up. She seemed somewhat withdrawn or sad at first. I think she was disappointed that her previous sponsor couldn't continue to support her. She smiled when I hugged her and told her that we were her sponsors now; but it seemed more out of politeness.
The day progressed and I met Jonathan. He was a young man who knew a very little English and wanted very much to find his sponsor. He kept asking me about Hannah. I pointed to Hannah and he told me the name of his sponsor which was not our Hannah. He was disappointed but brightened up.
After lunch, I gave Samaria pictures of our family. I told her to keep them and that we would be praying for her. We were family now. After that she truly brightened up. She hung out with me even when I couldn't understand 3/4 of what she said and I don't think she could understand anything I said in English and about 1/2 of what I said in Spanish. After the other children left, we were able to spend more time together. I found out more about her. I showed her pictures of my family including my daughter in law and daughter in law to be. It was very nice.
Later that evening, after our trip downtown, we had visitors. The "boys" came, Oswaldo, Byron, Christian and Raul. They brought the bracelets I asked them to make my boys and one for me :). Rosa, Luz and Yorleni's husbands came over with them as well as Maria, Cindy and others.
It was a sweet time until we had to say goodbye. So bittersweet. We are all hugging, shedding tears, giving kisses on the cheek with promises of next year.
Day 8(Friday)
The sir is much different this morning. At least in my eyes. There is not an air of excitement. There is nothing I'm rushing around preparing for the day. Today we leave the house. It will be a fun day. We'll be at the hotel. Some will swim, some will shop and others will get massages. But, we will see no children. Today, my longing for my family will intensify a bit. Hopefully the fun of the day will make it easier.
Sure enough I was right. The air was different for everyone. Emotions were on edge today. We had a nice breakfast. Elias brought us more of his rice pudding :) We finished our packing and went out for share time. The share time was nice and ended with a reminder from David of what the church really is. Unfortunately it was time for more goodbyes and more tears. Now, we're off to the hotel.
Our first day (not including our evening arrival) was primarily getting everything sorted and ready for the children. We have shoes, toiletries of all sorts, clothings etc. Afterwards, we head to the beach and have fish at a well known restaurant...At least known by those in Project Educate. The fish is fine, not the best or worst, but pretty good. However, the beach was magnificent.
Day 2 (Saturday):
This day was a lot of hard work but it was a great day. It began with the food for the families being delivered before 9am. There were five+ 100lb bags of beans delivered along with sugar, soup mix, rice, oil, ketchup, soap, dish detergent, sugar & more for each family. The beans have to be sorted into smaller plastic 5lb bags for each family. We stuff everything into bags for each family except the soaps which are in separate bags. We finished in plenty of time to get ready for the Women's Conference at Rose De Saron Church.
The Women's Conference is so cool. It's hard to explain how we can go and speak to a bunch of women who speak a different language and feel so blessed. As I prayed for these women, I prayed that God would supernaturally overcome the language barrier between us. Although it seems our two speakers were attacked; Lori Elder literally since she was hit by a bicycle cart, it was still beautiful to see how blessed the women seemed and truly how blessed we were after the conference.
Afterwards, a night out on the town, even doing a conference, is not complete without Eskimo! Some came home and hit the pool, some the patio and some of us hit our rooms. A tiring but wonderful evening.
Day 3: (Sunday)
We attended Sunday service at Rose De Saron. Our ladies spoke again and Trina had a specific word for the young worship leader. It was so amazing to hear what possibilities are in store for him. Afterwards we went to Los Tios. They call it an orphanage, but truly it is more like a daycare for older children while the parents are working. David Robinson, Trina Jackson and Carolyn McKee shared their vision, desire, thoughts and dreams about Project Educate. It was great to hear them speak and the time was made sweeter when some of the kids showed up as well as Luz and Rosa!
Day 4:(Monday, Day 1 with the children)
Monday was a fabulous first day. More translators showed up and we love our translators. I was able to meet Yarista, a young lady some friends are sponsoring. There were several of the children we know in this group. They were so well behaved and sooooo adorable. It was sweet to see the one young man with crutches being the big brother he was to his little brother. We told him how wonderful his handwriting was as well...explaining that boys in the US do not always have such nice handwriting. I met another young man who spoke quite a bit of English. He is working on becoming a translator. The kids love Hannah and Morgan. They are always their favorites. It's so sweet to see these young ladies with the children!
For those who do not know, I'm attempting to work on my Espanol. It was kind of funny when I told the children they were going to have poop after lunch instead of cake!! Cake in Nicaragua is usually not quite the same as in the US. In the US, our mixes are much sweeter, thus we are sure to bring plenty to share each year!
Of course, we ended the day on the town with 3 of the 4 boys. We had a fabulous time with the guys, Lori, Hannah, Jessica and myself. Eskimo (ice cream) and shopping around town was so much fun. Hannah and I, especially Hannah, were getting us some great Spanish lessons from the guys!
Day 5: (Tuesday)
This was a day with more Los Tios children or should I say young men and women. This day had more teens than most days. It included some of the young men that are part of the families which have worked for David and Marsha. It was great to see all of them. The day was filled with lots of fun. At one point the older teens were jumping rope and the smaller children were simply watching. It was sweet when they included them in their games.
This was the day we played the egg toss game. The game was great, but the joke on Morgan was just amazing. She went to Elias to ask if we could have three eggs. She said we'd get him three more to replace them. He explained that was not an option but that we'd need to pay for them. She agreed and asked the cost. He said $5. $5 for three eggs seemed a little much but she agreed she'd pay $5 for three eggs. He then corrects her and tells her it is $5 per egg. She is flabbergasted. After saying, "really?" she said she'd have to ask. As she goes upstairs to tell the "cheif" the price, Elias comes upstairs laughing and letting her know it was just a joke. Morgan didn't find it nearly as funny as the rest of us have!
The children's day ended with Mauricio telling everyone his testimony. This young man is inspiring and God has done and will continue to do great things with him. With the help of Haven of Rest and many others, he will now be able to obtain his license as a pharmacist!
Another day out on the town after the children left and of course more Eskimo!
Day 6: (Wednesday: El Liminol)
The children from El L. came today. Interesting thoughts: these children are the poorest of the bunch; some of these poorest children brought gifts for their sponsors; almost all of them had on uniforms; these children were probably the least behaved...until the teacher said they'd lose points in school if they weren't quiet during lunch; they were healthier this year; there were still some that had lice; Keiren kept telling everyone that my friends were his sponsors; Raquel realized she wasn't deaf after the Carolyn cleared the hardened wax from her ears; the pastors son was rotten :P and a very whiny day until Lori Amos allowed me to give him a small teddy bear. His face lit up like a Christmas tree. Yearling, a 7 year old girl with brittle bone disease who couldn't walk, allowed us to carry her around all day. It was time for the kids to leave and I put Yearling on the bus with her food. That's always a hard time anyway but it was then that I saw the young lady who broke my heart last year; somehow I just know this child has been sexually abused. I'm not sure if she has told David & Marsha, but I just know...
As I was crying, my heart was lifted briefly as I heard some children saying my name in their Nicaraguan accents. The bus began to drive away through the back gate and the children waved and yelled while leaving. As we realized the bus was coming around the front of the property, we ran to the gate to wave at the children one last time.
Afterwards, two ladies went to another poor community to give backpacks to the children of another school. Some of us stayed and relaxed in the pool. Later, we went to town again after dinner.
Day 7(Thursday)
This was a day... The children arrived in several stages. The young lady we're sponsoring showed up. She seemed somewhat withdrawn or sad at first. I think she was disappointed that her previous sponsor couldn't continue to support her. She smiled when I hugged her and told her that we were her sponsors now; but it seemed more out of politeness.
The day progressed and I met Jonathan. He was a young man who knew a very little English and wanted very much to find his sponsor. He kept asking me about Hannah. I pointed to Hannah and he told me the name of his sponsor which was not our Hannah. He was disappointed but brightened up.
After lunch, I gave Samaria pictures of our family. I told her to keep them and that we would be praying for her. We were family now. After that she truly brightened up. She hung out with me even when I couldn't understand 3/4 of what she said and I don't think she could understand anything I said in English and about 1/2 of what I said in Spanish. After the other children left, we were able to spend more time together. I found out more about her. I showed her pictures of my family including my daughter in law and daughter in law to be. It was very nice.
Later that evening, after our trip downtown, we had visitors. The "boys" came, Oswaldo, Byron, Christian and Raul. They brought the bracelets I asked them to make my boys and one for me :). Rosa, Luz and Yorleni's husbands came over with them as well as Maria, Cindy and others.
It was a sweet time until we had to say goodbye. So bittersweet. We are all hugging, shedding tears, giving kisses on the cheek with promises of next year.
Day 8(Friday)
The sir is much different this morning. At least in my eyes. There is not an air of excitement. There is nothing I'm rushing around preparing for the day. Today we leave the house. It will be a fun day. We'll be at the hotel. Some will swim, some will shop and others will get massages. But, we will see no children. Today, my longing for my family will intensify a bit. Hopefully the fun of the day will make it easier.
Sure enough I was right. The air was different for everyone. Emotions were on edge today. We had a nice breakfast. Elias brought us more of his rice pudding :) We finished our packing and went out for share time. The share time was nice and ended with a reminder from David of what the church really is. Unfortunately it was time for more goodbyes and more tears. Now, we're off to the hotel.
Thursday, October 6, 2011
Healthy Mourning?
Healthy Mourning?
My father passed away a week and ½ ago. It was sad for so many reasons, but the simplest answer is that he is gone. My son was married four days later.
When I first learned that my father was very ill and probably wouldn’t make it, I prayed and selfishly asked God to make sure his death would not interfere with the joy of the wedding. My father passed early Monday morning and his funeral Thursday morning. The wedding rehearsal was Thursday night, with the wedding on Friday.
Wednesday and Thursday I continued to pray that God would allow me to put my mourning aside, enjoy my son’s wedding and then help me mourn my father in a healthy way afterwards. It was a very specific prayer that I asked my heavenly father. He was gracious and gave me complete joy during the wedding.
The wedding was beautiful. There were tears shed, but they were tears of happiness, joy, love and excitement. There was absolutely no sadness that spilled over in this beautiful God centered occasion. When it was over, the next day and maybe that evening, I thanked God for giving me that very personal gift and once again asked Him to help me mourn my father’s death in a healthy manner.
But the thought has now occurred, “what exactly is mourning?” And how do you do it in a healthy way? Dictionary.com says morning is defined as:
1. to feel or express sorrow or grief.
2. to grieve or lament for the dead.
3. to show the conventional or usual signs of sorrow over a person's death.
Doctors, psychologists and others have written numerous things on the subject. There is a six step, three step and however many step process written. One site found has lessons called “good grief”. Another site actually states you have seven prerequisites to be able to mourn properly. Even Oprah has information on the world wide web about grief/mourning. We are inundated with information on the ‘healthy’ way to mourn the passing of a loved one.
I decided to search the Bible, my guidebook for life, to see if it would give me insight. It says some people mourn for seven days, three weeks, a month, numerous undefined times and one was even 70 days. Some people are described as having torn their clothes, wearing sack cloths and covering their heads. More times than I want to count, mourning is described in conjunction with weeping and wailing. I read these passages, and frankly, they just don’t sound appealing. So where do I find a real explanation of healthy mourning? And furthermore, does it really exist? Truly there must be more to this than taking an undefined time to mourn, tearing my clothes and putting on a sack cloth.
You have turned for me my mourning into dancing; You have put off my sackcloth and clothed me with gladness, To the end that my glory may sing praise to You and not be silent. O Lord my God, I will give thanks to You forever. Psalms 30:11-12 NKJV
Then shall the virgin rejoice in the dance, And the young men and the old, together; For I will turn their mourning to joy, Will comfort them, And make them rejoice rather than sorrow. Jeremiah 31:13 NKJV
These verses immediately caught my eye; they sound perfect for me. I want to rejoice. I want my mourning to turn to dancing. Yes, this is it. Now, how do I do it? But unfortunately, there is not a simple step by step process to tell me how to mourn my daddy. The Bible doesn’t tell me where to begin to rejoice and dance instead of being sad and mourning. Has my God abandoned me? Has he forgotten His promises? How can He tell me He is always there and never abandon me without telling me how to process this sadness in my life?
Thankfully, I realize there is more to my guidebook than just history told in the stories. There are deep wonderful Truths and lessons to truly guide us through our lives. My hearts cry began to reveal a beauty to me that is sometimes difficult to see. God is not there for me in the sense of someone providing a service to me. God is there. His presence does not go away. He tells us He will never leave us or forsake us. But He was not created for me; I was created for Him. I was created to bring Him glory.
I could become paralyzed with this revelation if it were up to ME to bring Him glory. Thankfully, that is not how He works. I was created to bring Him glory, not create glory for Him. When my dad died, God was glorified through the amazing people who loved on my whole family. They brought food to the funeral home, they sang to me, they brought flowers and food to my home, they held me when I cried, they told me they loved me and they even planned a rehearsal dinner and wedding reception. God was glorified not because of me, but because of Him.
In my sorrow, God was glorified. As I mourn, God shows me His comfort in those things that bring Him Glory. My mourning was turned to dancing as I danced during my son’s reception. My sadness turned to rejoicing as a friend sang to me.
There is not a step by step process that will fit everyone. We all mourn differently. We all have different needs. We process heart matters much differently. My mourning is not over, but I think I understand ‘healthy’ mourning. I don’t intend to ‘hide under my table’, which is what I’m naturally inclined to do. I will weep and maybe wail. But in my weeping and wailing, I will call out to God and He will comfort me. My healthy mourning will be defined by me and God and how I respond to His love for me in its many different facets. I will mourn my earthly daddy with the love of my heavenly Father.
Therefore I am now going to allure her;
I will lead her into the desert
and speak tenderly to her.
There I will give her back her vineyards,
and will make the Valley of Achor a door of hope.
There she will sing[b] as in the days of her youth,
as in the day she came up out of Egypt. Hosea 2:13-14 (NIV ’84)
The LORD your God is with you,
he is mighty to save.
He will take great delight in you,
he will quiet you with his love,
he will rejoice over you with singing. Zephaniah 3:17 (NIV ’84)
My father passed away a week and ½ ago. It was sad for so many reasons, but the simplest answer is that he is gone. My son was married four days later.
When I first learned that my father was very ill and probably wouldn’t make it, I prayed and selfishly asked God to make sure his death would not interfere with the joy of the wedding. My father passed early Monday morning and his funeral Thursday morning. The wedding rehearsal was Thursday night, with the wedding on Friday.
Wednesday and Thursday I continued to pray that God would allow me to put my mourning aside, enjoy my son’s wedding and then help me mourn my father in a healthy way afterwards. It was a very specific prayer that I asked my heavenly father. He was gracious and gave me complete joy during the wedding.
The wedding was beautiful. There were tears shed, but they were tears of happiness, joy, love and excitement. There was absolutely no sadness that spilled over in this beautiful God centered occasion. When it was over, the next day and maybe that evening, I thanked God for giving me that very personal gift and once again asked Him to help me mourn my father’s death in a healthy manner.
But the thought has now occurred, “what exactly is mourning?” And how do you do it in a healthy way? Dictionary.com says morning is defined as:
1. to feel or express sorrow or grief.
2. to grieve or lament for the dead.
3. to show the conventional or usual signs of sorrow over a person's death.
Doctors, psychologists and others have written numerous things on the subject. There is a six step, three step and however many step process written. One site found has lessons called “good grief”. Another site actually states you have seven prerequisites to be able to mourn properly. Even Oprah has information on the world wide web about grief/mourning. We are inundated with information on the ‘healthy’ way to mourn the passing of a loved one.
I decided to search the Bible, my guidebook for life, to see if it would give me insight. It says some people mourn for seven days, three weeks, a month, numerous undefined times and one was even 70 days. Some people are described as having torn their clothes, wearing sack cloths and covering their heads. More times than I want to count, mourning is described in conjunction with weeping and wailing. I read these passages, and frankly, they just don’t sound appealing. So where do I find a real explanation of healthy mourning? And furthermore, does it really exist? Truly there must be more to this than taking an undefined time to mourn, tearing my clothes and putting on a sack cloth.
You have turned for me my mourning into dancing; You have put off my sackcloth and clothed me with gladness, To the end that my glory may sing praise to You and not be silent. O Lord my God, I will give thanks to You forever. Psalms 30:11-12 NKJV
Then shall the virgin rejoice in the dance, And the young men and the old, together; For I will turn their mourning to joy, Will comfort them, And make them rejoice rather than sorrow. Jeremiah 31:13 NKJV
These verses immediately caught my eye; they sound perfect for me. I want to rejoice. I want my mourning to turn to dancing. Yes, this is it. Now, how do I do it? But unfortunately, there is not a simple step by step process to tell me how to mourn my daddy. The Bible doesn’t tell me where to begin to rejoice and dance instead of being sad and mourning. Has my God abandoned me? Has he forgotten His promises? How can He tell me He is always there and never abandon me without telling me how to process this sadness in my life?
Thankfully, I realize there is more to my guidebook than just history told in the stories. There are deep wonderful Truths and lessons to truly guide us through our lives. My hearts cry began to reveal a beauty to me that is sometimes difficult to see. God is not there for me in the sense of someone providing a service to me. God is there. His presence does not go away. He tells us He will never leave us or forsake us. But He was not created for me; I was created for Him. I was created to bring Him glory.
I could become paralyzed with this revelation if it were up to ME to bring Him glory. Thankfully, that is not how He works. I was created to bring Him glory, not create glory for Him. When my dad died, God was glorified through the amazing people who loved on my whole family. They brought food to the funeral home, they sang to me, they brought flowers and food to my home, they held me when I cried, they told me they loved me and they even planned a rehearsal dinner and wedding reception. God was glorified not because of me, but because of Him.
In my sorrow, God was glorified. As I mourn, God shows me His comfort in those things that bring Him Glory. My mourning was turned to dancing as I danced during my son’s reception. My sadness turned to rejoicing as a friend sang to me.
There is not a step by step process that will fit everyone. We all mourn differently. We all have different needs. We process heart matters much differently. My mourning is not over, but I think I understand ‘healthy’ mourning. I don’t intend to ‘hide under my table’, which is what I’m naturally inclined to do. I will weep and maybe wail. But in my weeping and wailing, I will call out to God and He will comfort me. My healthy mourning will be defined by me and God and how I respond to His love for me in its many different facets. I will mourn my earthly daddy with the love of my heavenly Father.
Therefore I am now going to allure her;
I will lead her into the desert
and speak tenderly to her.
There I will give her back her vineyards,
and will make the Valley of Achor a door of hope.
There she will sing[b] as in the days of her youth,
as in the day she came up out of Egypt. Hosea 2:13-14 (NIV ’84)
The LORD your God is with you,
he is mighty to save.
He will take great delight in you,
he will quiet you with his love,
he will rejoice over you with singing. Zephaniah 3:17 (NIV ’84)
Monday, October 11, 2010
The Finish of a crazy idea
I wrote this October 11, 2010:
After months of preparation and training, I stepped on the course to run the Chicago Marathon. Unfortunately, I was unable to finish.
As I was walking with a new found friend that day just before mile 16, I tried to convince myself I could keep going and she tried to convince me as well. I knew something not good was going on inside my body from about mile 13, but had tried to ignore it. But when she asked me again, I knew my body was clearly telling me I needed to go to the medic tent. Apparently, I was dehydrated and had the beginnings of “some type of heat illness” per the doctor at the medical tent just after mile 16. When they were finally able to get my blood pressure it was 94 over 42, pulse was 64 and my body temp was 94. What does all that mean? I really have no idea other than it was low and it meant I shouldn’t finish the race.
I would be fooling myself and others if I said I wasn’t disappointed. I could attempt to figure out why it happened when I thought I did everything I needed to do to be properly prepared. I could probably come up with several things I might have changed to keep the inevitable from happening; however, none of that will make any real difference.
Here’s what I do know: I did everything I knew to do to run that race. I know that nearly 2000 of the 38,000 runners dropped out of the race as well. I trained hard and had runs of 21 and 23 miles at home which means I was completely capable in other circumstances to run a full marathon. More important than anything else I know; my marathon attempt was for the glory of God.
Instead of me doing something which glorified God, He was glorified in the compassion, love and support of the people who lifted me up after such a disappointing finish. He was glorified in allowing this bullheaded woman to make a sensible decision and stop when my body had enough. He was glorified in over $800 donated to World Vision and more donated for my expenses in Chicago. And I hope He was glorified in the work and effort I put forth.
Thank you for your support and prayers. Thank you for helping me walk through this adventure.
Doing it for God’s Glory!
LaVonda
After months of preparation and training, I stepped on the course to run the Chicago Marathon. Unfortunately, I was unable to finish.
As I was walking with a new found friend that day just before mile 16, I tried to convince myself I could keep going and she tried to convince me as well. I knew something not good was going on inside my body from about mile 13, but had tried to ignore it. But when she asked me again, I knew my body was clearly telling me I needed to go to the medic tent. Apparently, I was dehydrated and had the beginnings of “some type of heat illness” per the doctor at the medical tent just after mile 16. When they were finally able to get my blood pressure it was 94 over 42, pulse was 64 and my body temp was 94. What does all that mean? I really have no idea other than it was low and it meant I shouldn’t finish the race.
I would be fooling myself and others if I said I wasn’t disappointed. I could attempt to figure out why it happened when I thought I did everything I needed to do to be properly prepared. I could probably come up with several things I might have changed to keep the inevitable from happening; however, none of that will make any real difference.
Here’s what I do know: I did everything I knew to do to run that race. I know that nearly 2000 of the 38,000 runners dropped out of the race as well. I trained hard and had runs of 21 and 23 miles at home which means I was completely capable in other circumstances to run a full marathon. More important than anything else I know; my marathon attempt was for the glory of God.
Instead of me doing something which glorified God, He was glorified in the compassion, love and support of the people who lifted me up after such a disappointing finish. He was glorified in allowing this bullheaded woman to make a sensible decision and stop when my body had enough. He was glorified in over $800 donated to World Vision and more donated for my expenses in Chicago. And I hope He was glorified in the work and effort I put forth.
Thank you for your support and prayers. Thank you for helping me walk through this adventure.
Doing it for God’s Glory!
LaVonda
Tuesday, October 5, 2010
Chicago Marathon, here I come!
So, this time Sunday, I will have run the Chicago Marathon!
I ask for your continued prayers. Aaron was diagnosed with strep last week and is now on an antibiotic. My concern is that it was 12 days before the race and strep has an incubation of 10 – 14 days; I ask you to pray specifically that I won’t come down with it. I’m choosing to believe it will not be a factor.
I’ve reached the first goal of $500 for World Vision. I had hoped to reach $1310, but I think whatever is given will be absolutely perfect. If you wanted to support me in this endeavor, it’s not too late. I’ve included the address and websites below.
The hotel is booked and the driving plans are made. I’ve done my best to prepare. I’ve trained to the best of my ability. I’ve drank so much water I think I just might float away. I think, physically, I’m ready. In my head, I can say that easily, but then my heart begins to pound just a little faster. I’m so very excited, but terrified at the same time.
I’m praying in the midst of all the nervousness and excitement I remember that it is only through Christ I could have made it this far. When I cross that finish line and do my victory dance (in whatever pitiful form it may be at the time ) I pray I will remember that it’s not really about me. My hope and prayer is that God will be glorified and His light will be clearly seen through me.
Sunday morning at 7:30am, if you remember me, please pray again.
Trying to Bring Glory to God!
LaVonda
11618 Walnut View Way
Louisville, KY 40299
http://twv.convio.net/goto/lavondah
Donations made payable to or paid directly to World Vision through the website will be 100% World Vision and you will receive a donation letter/statement listing your donation. Donations made payable to me will be used for the race and expenses and any money left afterwards will be donated to World Vision under your name.
I ask for your continued prayers. Aaron was diagnosed with strep last week and is now on an antibiotic. My concern is that it was 12 days before the race and strep has an incubation of 10 – 14 days; I ask you to pray specifically that I won’t come down with it. I’m choosing to believe it will not be a factor.
I’ve reached the first goal of $500 for World Vision. I had hoped to reach $1310, but I think whatever is given will be absolutely perfect. If you wanted to support me in this endeavor, it’s not too late. I’ve included the address and websites below.
The hotel is booked and the driving plans are made. I’ve done my best to prepare. I’ve trained to the best of my ability. I’ve drank so much water I think I just might float away. I think, physically, I’m ready. In my head, I can say that easily, but then my heart begins to pound just a little faster. I’m so very excited, but terrified at the same time.
I’m praying in the midst of all the nervousness and excitement I remember that it is only through Christ I could have made it this far. When I cross that finish line and do my victory dance (in whatever pitiful form it may be at the time ) I pray I will remember that it’s not really about me. My hope and prayer is that God will be glorified and His light will be clearly seen through me.
Sunday morning at 7:30am, if you remember me, please pray again.
Trying to Bring Glory to God!
LaVonda
11618 Walnut View Way
Louisville, KY 40299
http://twv.convio.net/goto/lavondah
Donations made payable to or paid directly to World Vision through the website will be 100% World Vision and you will receive a donation letter/statement listing your donation. Donations made payable to me will be used for the race and expenses and any money left afterwards will be donated to World Vision under your name.
Monday, September 27, 2010
16 Days to go!
I can do all things through Him who strengthens me. Phil 4:13
I began this endeavor in April. The crazy thought that I might want to run a marathon. What seemed crazy then is just 16 days away. April to October seems like a lifetime but 16 days is just around the corner.
I have not done this alone so far nor can I finish it alone. I have received so much wonderful loving support over the past few months. This week I put in a 25 mile run and a 14 mile run. That is the last of my “long” ones. The 25 mile was rough and I walked the last two miles, however everything that “went wrong” can be easily fixed. The 14 mile on the other hand was great! From this point on, the training is easy breezy!
Below is a picture of the type of support I receive when I’m running. This was today. This is just the last of the many times I have been supported. I have had so many people who have supported me in so many ways. Giving me water in the midst of my run is just one of them. I can’t express how much I appreciate all those who have been there for me in so many ways: prayer; calls; texts; emails; financial; advice; other gifts; their presence; water; and so much more.
The marathon is just 16 days away. It’s a bit overwhelming but so incredibly exciting! I ask for your continued support. I so still need additional financial support for World Vision. I definitely need your continued prayers. I keep reminding myself, I can do all things through Him who strengthens me.
Hoping to bring glory to God,
facebook.com/lavondahorrar
http://twv.convio.net/goto/lavondah
I began this endeavor in April. The crazy thought that I might want to run a marathon. What seemed crazy then is just 16 days away. April to October seems like a lifetime but 16 days is just around the corner.
I have not done this alone so far nor can I finish it alone. I have received so much wonderful loving support over the past few months. This week I put in a 25 mile run and a 14 mile run. That is the last of my “long” ones. The 25 mile was rough and I walked the last two miles, however everything that “went wrong” can be easily fixed. The 14 mile on the other hand was great! From this point on, the training is easy breezy!
Below is a picture of the type of support I receive when I’m running. This was today. This is just the last of the many times I have been supported. I have had so many people who have supported me in so many ways. Giving me water in the midst of my run is just one of them. I can’t express how much I appreciate all those who have been there for me in so many ways: prayer; calls; texts; emails; financial; advice; other gifts; their presence; water; and so much more.
The marathon is just 16 days away. It’s a bit overwhelming but so incredibly exciting! I ask for your continued support. I so still need additional financial support for World Vision. I definitely need your continued prayers. I keep reminding myself, I can do all things through Him who strengthens me.
Hoping to bring glory to God,
facebook.com/lavondahorrar
http://twv.convio.net/goto/lavondah
Monday, September 13, 2010
4 weeks until race day!!
The marathon is 4 weeks from yesterday. My training is going pretty well even while working full time for a few weeks. I ran 22 miles today. I wanted to run 23 but there was this portion of Bardstown Rd which didn’t have sidewalks and it was very busy. I decided to ask Ryan and Sarah to give me a ride to the sidewalks further down the road instead of just a drink. That took away some mileage, but it was definitely safer.
Today was probably the worst long run I’ve done thus far. I had some kind of stomach thing going on which caused lots of delays and discomfort. I ran it slower than I have run any of my longs runs. Honestly, I don’t think I would’ve finished if it were not for Ryan and Sarah being so encouraging. And a new running friend, Wendy, doing the same in the beginning. But, I finished it. There is a certain amount of pleasure which comes in completing a goal.
I’ve received about 30% of the goal World Vision set when I signed up to help them bring clean water to Africa. Several of my friends have supported me in this fun, tiring, painful and wonderful endeavor; thank you all!
Please keep me in your prayers. I’m working fulltime for another week. The hours are early morning hours and I usually run in the mornings, which makes it difficult to get my training accomplished. Also, please pray that I will receive the sponsors I need.
Thanks for everyone’s support so far!
LaVonda
You can also find some information on my World Vision page http://twv.convio.net/goto/lavondah. You can also find me on Facebook and I have made notes and an event concerning my running www.facebook.com/lavondahorrar.
Today was probably the worst long run I’ve done thus far. I had some kind of stomach thing going on which caused lots of delays and discomfort. I ran it slower than I have run any of my longs runs. Honestly, I don’t think I would’ve finished if it were not for Ryan and Sarah being so encouraging. And a new running friend, Wendy, doing the same in the beginning. But, I finished it. There is a certain amount of pleasure which comes in completing a goal.
I’ve received about 30% of the goal World Vision set when I signed up to help them bring clean water to Africa. Several of my friends have supported me in this fun, tiring, painful and wonderful endeavor; thank you all!
Please keep me in your prayers. I’m working fulltime for another week. The hours are early morning hours and I usually run in the mornings, which makes it difficult to get my training accomplished. Also, please pray that I will receive the sponsors I need.
Thanks for everyone’s support so far!
LaVonda
You can also find some information on my World Vision page http://twv.convio.net/goto/lavondah. You can also find me on Facebook and I have made notes and an event concerning my running www.facebook.com/lavondahorrar.
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